so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
