I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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