she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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