I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
