woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
