He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
