The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
