the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
