somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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