i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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