im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
