The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
