So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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