First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
