i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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