Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
