I smell stomach acid.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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