I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
