i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
