Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
