He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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