I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
