Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
