just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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