I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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