Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
