And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
