The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize
