The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
