my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
