He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
