Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
