but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
