im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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