The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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