Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
