I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
