I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
