I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
