Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
