I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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