I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
