so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
