anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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