Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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