Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
