just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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