if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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