i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I have post one night stand depression
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