My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
