He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
