I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
