I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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