I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
